Coping With The Death Of A Best Friend

Posted Thu, 06/24/2010 - 4:29pm by Kentin Waits

Filed Under:

Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born. — Ana Nin

Meaningful and deep friendships are a wonderful part of a healthy lifestyle. Sometimes, when we are quite lucky, one of these dear friends grows into best friend. A rare title, a best friend is our alter-ego, born of shared history, shared values, and ten thousand laughs. Our best friend becomes part of our chosen family — the first person we call to share a joy, the one we call at 2:00 a.m. in times of emergency.

Last March my best friend, Dale, died of sudden heart attack. There was no indication of heart trouble; I was literally laughing with him one weekend and attending his funeral the next. The shock still reverberates today and I constantly stumble over the realization that he 's gone. As I try to process his death, I have two recurring thoughts. The first: We didn 't even have a chance talk about this — and we talked about everything.The second: I have such a long time to live without him around; how do I navigate the years ahead? Strange the things we ruminate on when grief-stricken.

Dale and I matured into our friendship — connecting first in college, moving to the big city after graduation, building our careers together, detailing romantic misadventures with each other, processing joys and heartaches over countless cups of coffee. Volumes of inside jokes conspired to form a language that was all our own. Without him, it seems I am losing this language entirely. Much of who I am and the way I view the world was developed with him as my sounding board. He was a bit of me; I was a bit of him. The investment we had in each other was broad, deep, and intensely personal.

So how do we survive the loss of part of ourselves? The death of a best friend is different than the death a parent or spouse; there are no sympathy cards that quite fit the bill. There's no term for this loss and folks expect an abbreviated mourning period and offer a different, lighter brand of sympathy. The last four months have given me a crash course in coping and, although I do each imperfectly, there are a few points I keep in mind as I work through the grief. If you find yourself in the unfortunate position of a similar loss, I hope these strategies can help you chart your own course in a territory largely unmapped:

1. Take time to mourn

It may not be readily offered, so take the time to mourn and don't worry about some arbitrary timeline as you process the loss. As your life marches on, take an hour here or an afternoon there to remember your friend. As with all grief, the worst stings will subside with time and be replaced by a softer ache. Talk with friends and family, let yourself cry, take trips down memory lane and let this process move forward naturally.

2. Create a legacy

When you feel ready, honor your friend's life through volunteer work or charitable donations in keeping with his priorities and passions. Dale was an animal lover — his cats were like his children. Making a donation to the ASPCA in his memory brought me a bit of comfort and will be the way I acknowledge special dates of our friendship in the years to come.

3. Seek support.

Family and close friends can help you cope with the grief. Don't be afraid to let others know how deeply the loss has touched you. People can only rise to the occasion when they truly understand how much they 're needed. You 'll be surprised how the smallest acts of kindness and empathy can change your entire mood at the toughest moments.

4. Preserve your memories

It may sound cliché, but scrapbooking memories can help tremendously in processing feelings. There were so many things about my friendship with Dale that I didn't want to forget, that the fear of forgetting became a stressor in itself. Document the important moments — keep a journal of random memories or scrapbook photos and mementos. As the years give way to years, you 'll be glad you took the time to preserve these memories while still fresh in your mind.

5. Realize your friend will never be replaced

Friendship is renewable, but people are not. Realize that no person or new friendship will ever quite replace the one you've lost. To consciously seek out a replacement only marks the loss more and highlights the comparative shortcomings any candidate for the title of "new best friend" will surely have. Give yourself time to develop new relationships naturally and let them take their own unique paths.

6. Open yourself up to new and different friendships

Loss rightly shuts us down for a time, but don't let sadness become your new companion. Though no friendship will look or feel quite the same as the old, new friendships can, over time, become just as profound and rewarding. Own your capacity to be a best friend and enjoy the journey toward new connections.

Day by day, I adjust to life without my best friend. On particularly bad days, I take it moment by moment. No doubt, Dale and I had a lot left to learn from each other, but I'm glad we had those 18 years. He will always be partly responsible for the man I've become — the humor I find in life's little absurdities, my ear for good music, my ability to see the best in people. He would have wanted me to write this and would have wanted me to eventually move beyond the grief and embrace new friendships with as much devotion as I embraced ours.



Thank you so much for

Submitted by Nina on Tue, 04/05/2011 - 10:06pm.

Thank you so much for writing this... I have been going nuts trying to figure this lnr\ew life out without my friend,,,

Again, Thank you


i am going through the same

Submitted by Alexis on Thu, 10/11/2012 - 7:13am.

i am going through the same thing that you are doing only thing is that i am 16 years old and my bestfriend cherelle clarke had commited suicide in 2009 i have been blaming her death on me because i had thought that maybe there is something that i could of done to prevent this and i couldn't she had ment the world to me and now she is not here i had so many things planned for me and her to do and now i cant do anything because i rezent myself for letting something like that happen to her and i couldn't help her and now i feel like i was nothing because i didn't


 Hi Alexis   very sorry to

Submitted by baz on Tue, 01/08/2013 - 3:39am.

 Hi Alexis


very sorry to hear about your friend. i lost my best friend when he and i were 17. I'll never forget him and the times we had together, its 3o years on now and i'm married with kids and i often think about what would have become of him if he had lived a longer life. I'm 47 now and i've just lost another dear friend and that why i checked out this site. The deaths of friends and family are always heartbreaking, i'm going through it again now. Some grief is always there to a greater or lesser extent but the deaths that have affected me  also reaffirmed my belief in living a good life and making the most of the time i have on this crazy beautiful planet


Im inspired with the

Submitted by Anonymous on Sat, 07/20/2013 - 9:59am.

Im inspired with the exceptional and instructive contents that you provide in such short timing.


I have such a long time to

Submitted by Anonymous on Sun, 09/15/2013 - 1:42pm.

I have such a long time to live without him around; how do I navigate the years ahead? Strange the things we ruminate on when grief-stricken.Bal Harbour Condo


I am really impressed with

Submitted by holiday osaka on Sun, 09/06/2015 - 7:54am.

I am really impressed with your writing skills as well
as with the layout on your weblog. Is this a paid theme or did you customize it yourself?
Either way keep up the nice quality writing,
it's rare to see a great blog like this one these days.


Hey there this is somewhat

Submitted by pure forskolin extract on Tue, 06/21/2016 - 11:45am.

Hey there this is somewhat of off topic but I was
wanting to know if blogs use WYSIWYG editors or if you have to manually code with HTML.
I'm starting a blog soon but have no coding experience so I wanted to get guidance from someone
with experience. Any help would be greatly appreciated!


Setelah makan dan

Submitted by Guestaere on Wed, 12/21/2016 - 11:49pm.

Setelah makan dan mengumpulkan lebih dari 100 terbaik masakan Thai, itu pasti waktu untuk melahap semua memperlakukan manis yang ditawarkan Bangkok.

Kebanyakan makanan penutup Thailand camilan manis dan kadang-kadang mengisi menentang cahaya dan lapang gaya makanan penutup Barat. Mereka dicirikan oleh sirup manis, santan, buah-buahan tropis, dan ketan manis.

Panduan utama untuk makanan penutup Thai dibagi menjadi beberapa kategori untuk memudahkan navigasi: Sticky Rice Desserts, Jelly / Custard / lengket, Soup / Pudding, Kue / Roti / Pancakes, Buah / Based, Ice Cream, dan Random.

Jika Anda memiliki gigi manis kronis atau keinginan manis sesekali, Desserts Thai ini (Khanom Thai): The Ultimate Thailand Sweets Panduan adalah untuk Anda!

Aku punya "***" favorit pribadi saya dengan 1-3 bintang. pilihan pribadi saya benar-benar turun ke ketan durian dan Bua Loy Nam Raja, meskipun sebagian besar cukup lezat. Lihatlah daftar dan merasa bebas untuk membiarkan saya tahu makanan penutup Thailand favorit Anda!

ketan dengan sepotong Durian berenang di sirup santan kental pasti salah satu makanan penutup Thailand paling unik. Jika Anda menyukai durian, tidak ada yang lain akan lakukan! ketan, pisang, gula dan kelapa parut dibuat menjadi memperlakukan hijau. Ini menjadi hijau dengan merendam daun pandan dalam air dingin dan menambahkannya ke campuran.

ketan manis dengan mangga kuning manis di atas dan tertutup sirup kelapa krim. Khao Neow Mamuang adalah salah satu yang paling populer makanan penutup Thailand untuk makan di dan di luar Thailand. Di Bangkok, Anda akan menemukan ketan mangga seluruh selama musim mangga.

ketan ini dipermanis dengan kacang hitam dan kelapa sirup tebal dan panggang dalam bambu tiang di atas api rendah. Setelah khao lam dipanggang, itu hack terbuka dengan parang dan siap disajikan.

Khao Neow Sang Kaya ข้าวเหนียว สังขยา (Sticky Rice dengan Custard) **

makanan penutup Thailand ini terdiri dari beras ketan manis atasnya dengan sepotong custard krim. Ini Rilling, kaya, dan lezat. Ini adalah pisang yang super matang yang dibungkus dengan ketan unripened panggang dan kelapa sebelum digoreng sampai garing serius di luar. Ini seperti versi beter bahkan manis dari pisang goreng.

Kuning telur, gula, dan air bunga direbus dalam sirup gula dan dibentuk menjadi bunga seperti bentuk. Tong Yip, Tong Yord dan Foi Tong membuat trinitas populer makanan penutup Thailand.

Tong Yord ทองหยอด (Putaran Kuning Telur Tart)

Kuning telur, gula, dan air bunga yang direbus dalam sirup gula dan dibentuk menjadi bola bulat untuk membuat ini pecinta gula manis. Ini pada dasarnya bahan yang sama yang digunakan dalam dua makanan penutup Thai di atas; kuning telur dan gula yang direbus dalam sirup manis dan kemudian dibentuk menjadi bentuk mirip rambut.

kelapa dan tepung beras pangsit tradisional ini dimasak menjadi sedikit kue ketel dan sering diakhiri dengan pilihan bawang hijau, jagung manis, talas, atau sekadar. Disajikan panas, mereka akan meleleh di mulut Anda.

Itu semua dimulai dengan labu yang dilubangi dan diisi dengan custard creamiest yang dapat Anda bayangkan. Seluruh labu kemudian diiris menjadi pie seperti potongan-potongan dan disajikan biasanya sebagai hadiah takeaway. Ini kaya dan manis.

tepung tapioka dicampur dengan santan berat, ampas kelapa dan gula dan semua dicampur dan dikukus untuk membuat puding kelapa intens. Kadang-kadang takoh disajikan sekadar sementara lain waktu itu ditempatkan di atas tempat tidur atau tapioka. Ini sering disiapkan dalam bungkus daun pisang.
Ini adalah salah satu saya semua waktu makanan penutup Thailand favorit. Ini terdiri dari dua bagian utama. Kue yang dibuat dari tepung beras membungkus dengan pasta biji wijen hitam di tengah. Mereka disajikan mengambang di sup jahe manis. Ada tempat yang bagus untuk makan bua raja loy nam di Chinatown Bangkok.

Anda mendapatkan kombinasi pilihan berbagai jeli dan buah-buahan manisan yang meraup ke dalam mangkuk dan atasnya dengan potongan es, kemudian disiram sirup manis, santan, dan sirup manis kadang-kadang lainnya. Nam kang sai adalah salah satu makanan penutup Thailand yang sempurna di sore yang panas.


: es complemento dietetico

Submitted by Carmella on Sat, 10/17/2015 - 8:37pm.

: es complemento dietetico de Sakai está libre en NaturalDietetic, centros
de dietetica y herbolario.


As for # 7, the alternative

Submitted by on Thu, 10/29/2015 - 5:56am.

As for # 7, the alternative to comply with various other firm web pages has been disabled with the turn out of Facebook Business Manager.


free animal sex pics

Submitted by porn videos on Sat, 12/12/2015 - 5:31pm.

free animal sex pics


The company offers on

Submitted by on Sat, 10/24/2015 - 5:02pm.

The company offers on Atlanta car title pawns, commercial
motor vehicle title financings, as well
as bike title finncings since September 21st, 2015.


Basically, there are 3

Submitted by Greg on Wed, 10/28/2015 - 12:37pm.

Basically, there are 3 classifications of lipo that
are most typically done.


Whether it's an interaction

Submitted by on Wed, 10/28/2015 - 3:41pm.

Whether it's an interaction ring or numerous pallets,
our same day messengers could communicate them all securely as well as securely to their destinations.


They also supply social

Submitted by on Wed, 10/28/2015 - 6:41pm.

They also supply social networking, visuals layout, pay-per-click advertising, Search Engine Optimization services, and also more.


With legal representatives

Submitted by personal injury attorneys on Wed, 11/11/2015 - 4:00pm.

With legal representatives authorizeded in 17 states, Wayne Wright is among the
biggest as well as most revered significant injury firms in the nation.


they help to light up the

Submitted by Guest on Thu, 10/03/2013 - 5:56am.

they help to light up the problems and how the organization believes about them.additional info


We are a gaggle of

Submitted by Facebook Money Maker on Thu, 05/21/2015 - 6:39pm.

We are a gaggle of volunteers and opening a
new scheme in our community. Your web site provided us with valuable information to work
on. You've done a formidable process and our entire community might be grateful to you.


Howdy! This post couldn't be

Submitted by heating and cooling repair on Wed, 06/24/2015 - 5:03am.

Howdy! This post couldn't be written much better!
Going through this article reminds me of my previous roommate!
He constantly kept preaching about this. I'll send this
article to him. Pretty sure he's going to have a great read.
I appreciate you for sharing!


A brief stroll away, check

Submitted by on Wed, 10/28/2015 - 7:59pm.

A brief stroll away, check out Shakespeare's birth place where you can relax in the garden with a
glass of champagne as well as a scone prior to heading back to London.


Regardless, you have to be

Submitted by Bonnie on Mon, 02/08/2016 - 1:23pm.

Regardless, you have to be well arranged and also after research study and also contrasts must
end up with camping gear at cost effective rates.


For most recent news you

Submitted by monitor credit activity on Wed, 06/22/2016 - 8:05pm.

For most recent news you have to pay a visit world wide
web and on web I found this website as a most excellent web site for most up-to-date


For even more consumer

Submitted by best home wifi camera on Sun, 10/25/2015 - 7:48pm.

For even more consumer reviews onn these very easy to set up, DIY holme security electronic cameras -
inspect the site rigght here.


Your body will probably

Submitted by Darrin on Tue, 01/26/2016 - 5:04pm.

Your body will probably absorb food a lot more gradually as well as
eating excessive will trigger acid indigestion.


Yes! Finally someone writes

Submitted by on Fri, 06/24/2016 - 4:08am.

Yes! Finally someone writes about largest law firms los


Magnificent goods from you,

Submitted by ubervita w700 reviews on Fri, 04/24/2015 - 7:52pm.

Magnificent goods from you, man. I've be mindful your stuff previous to and you're just too fantastic.
I actually like what you have got here, certainly like what you are stating and
the best way by which you are saying it. You are making
it enjoyable and you continue to take care of to stay it wise.

I can not wait to learn much more from you. This is really a great website.


Heya just wanted to give you

Submitted by Pro Garcinia cambogia on Sat, 04/25/2015 - 10:04am.

Heya just wanted to give you a brief heads up and let you know a few of the pictures aren't loading properly.
I'm not sure why but I think its a linking issue.
I've tried it in two different web browsers and both show the
same results.


In every company, there will

Submitted by home based business on Sat, 05/30/2015 - 10:52am.

In every company, there will always be some downsides.
As way as their items go, they marketplace numerous
science based mostly nutraceuticals that are created to assist
in your total wellness and properly becoming. Well, mainly because it is tricky to differentiate your products and solutions from other providers this sort of as Herbalife, Pharmanex, Usana, Noni,
or any of the other hundreds of herbal supplement Multi level marketing companies about the planet.


My programmer is trying to

Submitted by Tropicleanse diet on Mon, 06/29/2015 - 8:00pm.

My programmer is trying to convince me to move
to .net from PHP. I have always disliked the idea because of the costs.
But he's tryiong none the less. I've been using Movable-type
on a variety of websites for about a year and am nervous about
switching to another platform. I have heard fantastic things about
Is there a way I can import all my wordpress content into it?
Any help would be really appreciated!


It's hard to come by

Submitted by Slim Wise Raspberry ketone on Sat, 07/04/2015 - 2:54am.

It's hard to come by well-informed people on this topic, but you seem like you
know what you're talking about! Thanks


I am regular reader, how are

Submitted by identity protection barclays on Fri, 07/08/2016 - 9:11am.

I am regular reader, how are you everybody? This article posted
at this web site is truly nice.


I am regular reader, how are

Submitted by identity protection barclays on Fri, 07/08/2016 - 9:11am.

I am regular reader, how are you everybody? This article posted
at this web site is truly nice.


With havin so much content

Submitted by Cleanse body pro diet on Sun, 07/05/2015 - 9:48am.

With havin so much content and articles do you ever run into any problems
of plagorism or copyright violation? My website has a lot
of completely unique content I've either authored myself or outsourced but it seems a
lot of it is popping it up all over the internet without my authorization. Do you know any solutions
to help prevent content from being stolen? I'd certainly appreciate it.


This goes hand in hand with

Submitted by on Thu, 07/09/2015 - 1:59pm.

This goes hand in hand with the overall restriction on the
quantities given for unsecured business loans.


Commence developing an

Submitted by video marketing strategy 2015 on Sat, 07/11/2015 - 11:16am.

Commence developing an online marketing strategy now
and make sure youu do not let any more potential customers get away from you!


This piece of writing

Submitted by mens hoodies on Fri, 11/27/2015 - 12:53am.

This piece of writing presents clear idea in support of the new viewers of blogging, that in fact how to
do blogging.


This is my first time pay a

Submitted by BIomuscle XR on Wed, 07/29/2015 - 3:24pm.

This is my first time pay a quick visit at here and i am really impressed to read all at alone


Do you mind if I quote a few

Submitted by Elmo on Wed, 08/12/2015 - 11:58pm.

Do you mind if I quote a few of your posts as long
as I provide credit and sources back to your website?
My blog site is in the very same niche as yours and
my visitors would truly benefit from a lot of the information you provide here.

Please let me know if this alright with you.

Appreciate it!


Keep this going please,

Submitted by garcinia cambogia kelly osbourne on Wed, 04/13/2016 - 2:08pm.

Keep this going please, great job!


Exceptional post however I

Submitted by nhclawgroup on Thu, 06/23/2016 - 6:09pm.

Exceptional post however I was wondering if you could write a litte more on this subject?
I'd be very thankful if you could elaborate a little bit more.

Many thanks!


This can be anything from

Submitted by Edwin on Sat, 08/01/2015 - 2:39am.

This can be anything from mailing lists, memberships to survey data,
Forms are used in conjunction with a web server where the data is stored.
To manipulate buttons in your portfolio, you'll need
to layer functions. Many marketers make use of this technology
in order to give a vivid demonstration of the products.


If you desire to obtain much

Submitted by true derma on Tue, 08/04/2015 - 10:03pm.

If you desire to obtain much from this article then you have to apply such methods to your won web site.


Dos a cero a huevo les

Submitted by on Wed, 10/21/2015 - 10:14am.

Dos a cero a huevo les ganaremos a estos pendejos la maestra ya se estaba enfadando con la actitud de pepito y le afirma
joven se para y se sale.) ahora llevan nombres de leperos ilustres (Oria Castañeda, M.
Candela, Esos leperos que van por el camino, tras un duro día en la granja…Llevando uno de ellos
una enorme bolsa al hombro..), el chiste más viejo del planeta data del año mil novecientos
Jaimito llora en la acera y un borracho se le acerca y le pregunta:
- ¿Jaimito y por qué razón lloras?


I have been exploring for a

Submitted by neuracel on Mon, 08/31/2015 - 11:47am.

I have been exploring for a little for any high-quality articles or blog posts on this kind of space .
Exploring in Yahoo I eventually stumbled upon this web site.
Studying this information So i'm glad to express that I have an incredibly good uncanny feeling I came upon just what I needed.
I so much indisputably will make certain to do not disregard
this web site and give it a look on a constant basis.


When children play these

Submitted by driving games 3d online free for play on Wed, 07/01/2015 - 7:43am.

When children play these games the brain works
harder and helps in improving the alertness level of


Hey there! Do you use

Submitted by Danae on Tue, 07/14/2015 - 9:42pm.

Hey there! Do you use Twitter? I'd like to follow you if that would be okay.

I'm undoubtedly enjoying your blog and look forward to new posts.


If you want to take a good

Submitted by zonecore garcinia cambogia on Thu, 08/06/2015 - 3:55am.

If you want to take a good deal from this post then you
have to apply such techniques to your won weblog.


The SPEED workshop ends up

Submitted by on Wed, 10/21/2015 - 3:39pm.

The SPEED workshop ends up being the sole source oof services for Medicare annd Medicaid quialified enrollees.


Emirates Airline sponsors

Submitted by advertising agency on Wed, 10/28/2015 - 11:50pm.

Emirates Airline sponsors the official males's tennis positions on the
ATP Globe Trip Race to London.


You actually make itt seem

Submitted by on Mon, 11/09/2015 - 5:15pm.

You actually make itt seem so easy with your presentation but I
find this matfter to be actually something which I
think I would never understand. It seems too complicated and very broad for
me. I'm looking forward for your next post,
I'll try to get the hang of it! http://www.CITYSTANDARD.NET

Post new comment

The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly.